So I sit here asking myself why do I continue to chase after? Why do I believe that you are the one that completes me? That you actually do want me the way I wanted you. That you see me as your future. You haven't given me any idication that I am any of those things to or for you, but yet here I go chasing after you again. It's time I take a long hard look at myself, and ask why do I do this? What happened to the old me? Have I gotten soft in my old age? Am I so afraid of being alone that I accept any small sliver of hope that we will be together? A part of me wants to say yes, but then something roars inside of me, jumping and screaming that I am still here and I won't let you go down that road again. I slowly start to realize that I'm not exactly alone. That I can easily go out and make new memories. That I am a good man, and yes many will pass me by not seing that, but it only takes that one. So again I ask why am I chasing you and not the other way around? You bring nothing to my table, you don't upgrade me but I certainly upgrade you. So yes I'm done chasing you. My time and energy is to valuable to chase after someone who truly doesn't want me, I wish you love just not with me. My future is out there waiting on me on to disciver her. The me that used to move through this world full of confidence has slowly and methodically started to chip away at what is here in front of you. Don't get me wrong letting you go will be difficult, but I can do difficult. I have to recognize and realize that if I'm the only planning a future for us and you are not thenn there is no future for us. I have to realize that I can create my own happiness. That being alone til I find the one person that makes me smile when I think about her, that chases me the way I chase her. That just doesn't sit at my table but also helps in setting it. She is out there I just have to be patient and take my time. And don't worry we can still be friends, just understand that even my friendship has its limits. I want to thank you for waking up what I thought was dead and buried in me. You will always be in heart , you just won't have it. So when your trying to figure out why I stopped chasing you, take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why didn't I chase him like he was chasing me?
We have all had that one person in our lives that we thought we couldn't live without. That without them we would die, we were not complete. We would do anything to have that person back even giving up who we are. My friends tried to talk to me and tell me to move on but I refused to. I continued to spiral downward till I hit rock bottom. Some how I managed to climb out that hole that I fell into. The climb was long and hard, but once I was out, I realized that I'm still here battered and bruised, but here and alive. That what I went through didn't break me but me made stronger and more determined to prove to all that I am here. The experience has made me wiser, and when asked would I change a thing I say in a clear and confident voice not no but hell no.